Lessons for my fictional children

The idea for this post struck me, I knew I had to write about it, but there is one fundamental discrepancy: I don’t want children of my own. So this post is more of a way for me to figure out my values. If I did raise children though, I would teach them....

• Don’t ever let anyone outwork you.If someone claims they are intelligent, but only gets mediocre grades and blames it “not trying”, take them as the example of exactly what I do not want you to be. Useful intelligent people don’t waste their gifts and educational opportunities. It could be because I am american, but I strongly believe that hard-work is the key to success. At the end of the day its the person who does the work and not the brilliant mind that wins.
• Take full responsibility for your actions.You are bound to mess up and make mistakes, hopefully none of them are life altering, but when you do mess up it is your responsibility to fix it. Do not blame your problems on other people or the circumstances, although they may have played a role, you had the ultimate choice, so own up to your shortcomings. Few things bother me more than people who are unwilling to admit to their mistakes.
• Don’t judge.In your life, you will meet people of all different races, backgrounds, beliefs, and identities. I want you to treat them all the same. Each one is a human being and deserves equal respect from you. I am not saying that you have to like all them or be their best friends, but in the very least you must respect their humanity. If you do this, your hardest challenge will be accepting those who are intolerant. They will go against everything you believe in, and they will infuriate you, but you must remember that they are people too. Show them respect in return for their intolerance.
• Stay firm in your beliefs, but keep an open mind.I encourage you to challenge your beliefs and change your mind, but do this with some skepticism. I want you to be strong in your conviction. Should you change your mind it should only be because someone else has presented you with a much better argument, or facts, not because “everyone else thinks/does this/that”. That being said, you should also be informed before you even choose and opinion. If you cannot defend your position there was no use taking it in the first place.
• Always ask questions.Don’t ever blindly accept. You need to approach life with a little bit of skepticism even from the start. It’s hard to keep in mind that much of our life is social constructs that others blindly follow like sheep, and I never want you to be one of these sheep. This mindset may cause you some problems because you are somewhat slow to trust and sometimes avoid high-risk things, but it will help you in the long run. You won’t understand till later, but people are complex and until you have peeled back several layers of personality you don’t know who they really are.
• Follow your heart, not tradition.There are traditions and expectations that society will but on you. There is an ideal of beauty for males and females, you are still expected to be heterosexual, and you will be told certain careers are acceptable. None of these things really matter; you could reject all of them and I wouldn’t care. Society’s rules don’t have to be your rules, as long as you are happy and comfortable with your choices, that’s all that matters.

This is how I would want my children perceived.

Guest Post: Heightism

The following is a guest post from my good friend Lindsay, who writes her own blog And How Do You Feel About That. She has written about the perception of height in our society.  Enjoy!

"Very few people want to admit how readily they judge others. I’ve discussed some of the subtle discrimination in our society, like the couching of racist remarks in “jokes” and descriptions, in my blog, which you can find here. But one lucky type of discrimination still enjoys a special place, still funny and socially acceptable. And it falls on the short guys.


In our society, we have many gendered expectations, and height comes into play as a masculine trait. Men who are taller are considered more assertive, powerful, and attractive, all because of certain genes that put them above the average height of 5’8’’. Connecting manliness with height in our society can affect people’s job credibility, their attractiveness to romantic partners, and their self-esteem.

These men have very few options when it comes to responding to others’ jabs at their height. If they laugh it off, they land a spot on the comedic roll, and risk being objectified by their height permanently. They become “cute,” “goofy,” not taken as seriously. If they respond seriously or try to defend themselves, they are told that it’s “just a joke,” not to take it to heart. Now they’re saddled with a Napoleon complex, so whenever they get touchy about jokes it’s their own fault, not the insensitivity of the joker.

That this prejudice can also be unconscious creates serious problems in the workplace, when men are considered less qualified for a position of leadership because of the lack of respect their stature demands. I believe if people are aware of the ramifications of this heightist approach, our society could make steps towards amending the situation.

If you are interested in pursuing the topic of heightism, The Social Complex has a wealth of information about the various impacts on society. Also, Sociological Images is a great place to find examples of prejudice and discrimination in our culture."

Homosexuality and the Bible

I belong to a very liberal church. As such, we have been reading excerpts from Sex Texts from the Bible by Teresa J. Hornsby in my youth group. I found the section on homosexuality particularly interesting since the Bible has long been a tool to condemn homosexuality. Hornsby takes passage typically used to condemn homosexuality and puts the passages back into their historical context. Using this neo-historic approach, the potential interpretations of the scripture changes dramatically.

One of the most commonly cited passages to condemn homosexuality is Leviticus 20:13, "If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall be put to death; their blood is upon them". Even Hornsby agrees that the message here is frank: men who have sex with other men shall be killed. What is more important she argues, is why the Israelites would have responded in such a way. The word "abomination" is translated from the Hebrew word tovah which means mixing or confusion or unlike things. In this case, the gender roles of man and woman are being mixed. Hornsby argues that they had these views of homosexuality because their culture depended on the idea of remaining separate and not "mixing", therefore any time when things were not in their proper category the Israelites saw it as dangerous to their culture and therefore repulsive (Hornsby 64). They respond with such extreme punishment because they see homosexuality as a threat to their existence since it is a form of "confusion" to them.

Whenever looking to the Bible for guidance, it is important to remember that it was not written for our culture and our modern problems. People chose what to include in the Bible and what to leave out. Many of the stories were also adopted to appease the social trends of the era when the Bible was first being put into writing because followers wanted Christianity to be more main stream.

Leviticus is the book of Jewish laws, few, if anyone, follows all the laws in Leviticus. Most Jews and Christians only follow a select few. I argue though that if we can arbitrarily choose which ones to follow and not follow, such as not keeping Kosher, we should not adopt these views on homosexuality.

KONY 2012

After having both my Twitter and Facebook accounts assaulted by the Kony 2012 video (if you have not seen it I am shocked, but here is the link), I felt compelled to write a blog post about it. I wouldn't consider myself an Invisible Children "hater" per-say, but I am definitely among their skeptics.

I'll start with some of the positives. The video has proven widely successful at raising awareness with over  86 million views since it's release less than one month ago. The organization set out to prove that young people can have an impact and change things, and so far they have proven that. They also helped add to the growing evidence that social media can be a power tool for social change. As a member of their target audience, I am comforted and emboldened by the fact that my voice can actually be heard. However, the organizations propaganda feeds into American misperceptions about Africa to gain support and attention.


The following is a quote from one of several open letters written to the CEO of Invisible Children, Jason Russell written by Penny Carothers , "By positioning yourself as the mouthpiece for this cause, you have denied the people of Uganda the opportunity to speak for themselves. You have depicted them as voiceless, hopeless, and at our mercy. Nothing could be further from the truth". The Uganda people are portrayed in this video as helpless, starving, and child-like, a stereotype that Americans are very comfortable with. I've written about this stereotype before in Simba doesn't live in Nairobi, and here again we see the same stereotype being used by an aid organization to try and garner support. It disgusts me a little bit that people with such big ideas would resort to such dehumanizing stereotypes to sell their ideas. Carothers goes on to say, "Jason, your video is slick and well produced, and it has garnered attention because it’s emotionally appealing and tragic. But it gives Americans the idea that they are the solution to the conflict, when they simply are not". That is what annoys me the most about this video. The message is: Americans must be the solution because Ugandans haven't fixed it yet.


The video also makes some fairly outrageous claims. They claim that no one cared about the issue and that the children were invisible before their organization came around, but that is complete specualtion. Also why are they invisible until recognized by a Western audience? Do they not truly exist until America cares? They also claim that the president could withdraw the military advisors from Uganda at any moment and then they would fail, so we have to keep pressuring the government. I am highly skeptical of this logic. First, I do not believe Obama would be so quick to pull out the 100 military advisors; he has nothing to gain from that. Second, the removal of those 100 military advisors would not ensure the failure of this campaign. The video seems to assert that without US military assistance the Ugandans cannot win. This patronizing view point frustrates me. 


In another open letter to Jason Russell by Amber Ha of the Acholi Times, she ends with this, "There is an Uganda saying that goes, 'The grass will always suffer when two elephants fight.' Isn't it time we let the grass grow?". 

US Military's Walk of Shame

Reputations are a precious and fragile thing, and as a teenager I am painful aware of this sometimes. However, the value of reputations does not change with age, even the most elite and sophisticated institutions depend on their reputations for legitimacy. Unfortunately the reputation of one of America's most prized institutions, our military, is under attack after the recent Quran burning and massacre in Afghanistan.

Protests resulting from the Quran burning.

The US military has not had a particularly stunning reputation, but the two most recent events in Afghanistan have sparked outrage and deadly protests from the Afghan people. The first event, the Quran burning seems to be an instance of cultural ignorance. NATO officers were destroying the Qurans because they came from a detention center and prisoners had been using them to pass coded notes to one another. It was not meant to disrespectful to the Muslim faith, but merely a security measure. The public however was outraged when they heard of the "Americans burning Qurans". Protesters swarmed to the NATO base trying to break down the gates. President Obama issued an apology, but many in the states, like this blog post argued the books were American property so we could destroy them however we wanted. Although I see the logic of the argument, I think this is just another example of cultural insensitivity. One could not burn an American flag in America to get rid of it without inciting rage from patriotic neighbors.

The aftermath of the massacre.

The details of the second event remain unclear. Several days ago a US soldier left a NATO base in the middle of the night, walked a mile into a local village and went on a killing spree resulting in the death or 16 people. Some were brutally murdered and others were gunned down, afterwards her burned the bodies. He then returned to the base and essential turned himself in as the story goes. The Taliban attacked an Afghan delegation visiting the site in retaliation.

Obviously both of these events have had a negative impact on the perception of the US military in Afghanistan and world wide. It is a shame given that there are 1,430,985 active US military personnel worldwide*, that the actions of 4 or 5 people create the global perception of our military. I hope President Obama will make a serious effort to promote the noble things the military does, but also still apologize for these events.


It's ironic how people think the same way. Many Americans generalize all Muslims as terrorists while there are millions of peaceful Muslims, and now Muslims in the Middle East are perceive the US military as cruel and barbaric while over a million of them are not. Another vicious circle. 

A Feminist Look at the Causes of Depression

The general perception of depression is steadily improving. More and more people are beginning to recognize it as a treatable medical condition rather than a character flaw, but the stigma remains and the disease is still misunderstood. This is especially troubling for women, since according to the American Psychological Association they are twice as likely as men to develop depression and one in five women are expected to be diagnosed with depression (even though the APA also claims that 30-50% are misdiagnoses).

A combination of biological and social factors lead to increased depression rates in women, this article from the Mayo Clinic describes how things like pregnancy and menstruation can lead to depression in some women because of the major hormone changes that occur during each event. There are also social factors that contribute to women's propensity for depression. Women are more likely to have to care for children and balance work which causes stress, one of the major factors in developing depression. They are also more likely to be single parents. Women also typically make less money than men and people in tough economic situations are more prone to depression. But wait...there's more. Married women are more likely than single women to be depressed; despite social pressure for women to be married, it may not make them happy. Also, 90% of women with eating orders develop depression. Finally, women are more likely to be sexually assaulted or abused, and victims or any type of sexual abuse are very likely to develop depression. For a more in depth analysis of these causes, check out this article.

This is a vicious cycle, not only do traditional gender roles help lead to depression, but depression itself reinforces those same gender roles by making women seem emotional and physically weak. We need to make it clear that depression is not weakness, it is a treatable disease that our own culture has made women susceptible to. The words we use, whether we call it a disease or not have real consequences.

Shift in the Blog

As some of you may have noticed, the focus of my blog has shifted a little bit. At first I intended to write about appearances, but found that I was really focusing on our cultural perceptions and misperceptions. When I say perception I would also like to clarify that I am not using the psychology term, but rather the English word for "immediate and intuitive recognition". I feel as though it will better help me explore stereotypes and how different people perceive the world through different lenses.