Lessons for my fictional children

The idea for this post struck me, I knew I had to write about it, but there is one fundamental discrepancy: I don’t want children of my own. So this post is more of a way for me to figure out my values. If I did raise children though, I would teach them....

• Don’t ever let anyone outwork you.If someone claims they are intelligent, but only gets mediocre grades and blames it “not trying”, take them as the example of exactly what I do not want you to be. Useful intelligent people don’t waste their gifts and educational opportunities. It could be because I am american, but I strongly believe that hard-work is the key to success. At the end of the day its the person who does the work and not the brilliant mind that wins.
• Take full responsibility for your actions.You are bound to mess up and make mistakes, hopefully none of them are life altering, but when you do mess up it is your responsibility to fix it. Do not blame your problems on other people or the circumstances, although they may have played a role, you had the ultimate choice, so own up to your shortcomings. Few things bother me more than people who are unwilling to admit to their mistakes.
• Don’t judge.In your life, you will meet people of all different races, backgrounds, beliefs, and identities. I want you to treat them all the same. Each one is a human being and deserves equal respect from you. I am not saying that you have to like all them or be their best friends, but in the very least you must respect their humanity. If you do this, your hardest challenge will be accepting those who are intolerant. They will go against everything you believe in, and they will infuriate you, but you must remember that they are people too. Show them respect in return for their intolerance.
• Stay firm in your beliefs, but keep an open mind.I encourage you to challenge your beliefs and change your mind, but do this with some skepticism. I want you to be strong in your conviction. Should you change your mind it should only be because someone else has presented you with a much better argument, or facts, not because “everyone else thinks/does this/that”. That being said, you should also be informed before you even choose and opinion. If you cannot defend your position there was no use taking it in the first place.
• Always ask questions.Don’t ever blindly accept. You need to approach life with a little bit of skepticism even from the start. It’s hard to keep in mind that much of our life is social constructs that others blindly follow like sheep, and I never want you to be one of these sheep. This mindset may cause you some problems because you are somewhat slow to trust and sometimes avoid high-risk things, but it will help you in the long run. You won’t understand till later, but people are complex and until you have peeled back several layers of personality you don’t know who they really are.
• Follow your heart, not tradition.There are traditions and expectations that society will but on you. There is an ideal of beauty for males and females, you are still expected to be heterosexual, and you will be told certain careers are acceptable. None of these things really matter; you could reject all of them and I wouldn’t care. Society’s rules don’t have to be your rules, as long as you are happy and comfortable with your choices, that’s all that matters.

This is how I would want my children perceived.

Guest Post: Heightism

The following is a guest post from my good friend Lindsay, who writes her own blog And How Do You Feel About That. She has written about the perception of height in our society.  Enjoy!

"Very few people want to admit how readily they judge others. I’ve discussed some of the subtle discrimination in our society, like the couching of racist remarks in “jokes” and descriptions, in my blog, which you can find here. But one lucky type of discrimination still enjoys a special place, still funny and socially acceptable. And it falls on the short guys.


In our society, we have many gendered expectations, and height comes into play as a masculine trait. Men who are taller are considered more assertive, powerful, and attractive, all because of certain genes that put them above the average height of 5’8’’. Connecting manliness with height in our society can affect people’s job credibility, their attractiveness to romantic partners, and their self-esteem.

These men have very few options when it comes to responding to others’ jabs at their height. If they laugh it off, they land a spot on the comedic roll, and risk being objectified by their height permanently. They become “cute,” “goofy,” not taken as seriously. If they respond seriously or try to defend themselves, they are told that it’s “just a joke,” not to take it to heart. Now they’re saddled with a Napoleon complex, so whenever they get touchy about jokes it’s their own fault, not the insensitivity of the joker.

That this prejudice can also be unconscious creates serious problems in the workplace, when men are considered less qualified for a position of leadership because of the lack of respect their stature demands. I believe if people are aware of the ramifications of this heightist approach, our society could make steps towards amending the situation.

If you are interested in pursuing the topic of heightism, The Social Complex has a wealth of information about the various impacts on society. Also, Sociological Images is a great place to find examples of prejudice and discrimination in our culture."

A Feminist Look at the Causes of Depression

The general perception of depression is steadily improving. More and more people are beginning to recognize it as a treatable medical condition rather than a character flaw, but the stigma remains and the disease is still misunderstood. This is especially troubling for women, since according to the American Psychological Association they are twice as likely as men to develop depression and one in five women are expected to be diagnosed with depression (even though the APA also claims that 30-50% are misdiagnoses).

A combination of biological and social factors lead to increased depression rates in women, this article from the Mayo Clinic describes how things like pregnancy and menstruation can lead to depression in some women because of the major hormone changes that occur during each event. There are also social factors that contribute to women's propensity for depression. Women are more likely to have to care for children and balance work which causes stress, one of the major factors in developing depression. They are also more likely to be single parents. Women also typically make less money than men and people in tough economic situations are more prone to depression. But wait...there's more. Married women are more likely than single women to be depressed; despite social pressure for women to be married, it may not make them happy. Also, 90% of women with eating orders develop depression. Finally, women are more likely to be sexually assaulted or abused, and victims or any type of sexual abuse are very likely to develop depression. For a more in depth analysis of these causes, check out this article.

This is a vicious cycle, not only do traditional gender roles help lead to depression, but depression itself reinforces those same gender roles by making women seem emotional and physically weak. We need to make it clear that depression is not weakness, it is a treatable disease that our own culture has made women susceptible to. The words we use, whether we call it a disease or not have real consequences.

I'm too pretty to...

This first tee shirt was featured in a blog post on the Beauty is Inside blog. I agreed with the post that wearing a shirt like this gives not only a highly-sexualized image of young girls, but it also makes them seem untrustworthy. The author found this shirt in the juniors department, which seems way too young to be flaunting your man-stealing prowess.

Upon reading this post, I was reminded of a similar controversy involving a girl’s tee shirts sold at JCPenney (click here to read about it). The following shirt was pulled after complaints poured into JCPenney.

What bothers me the most about all these tee shirts is that they reinforce sexism and sexualize girls at a very young age. Here words and appearance come together to teach young girls that math is only for ugly girls, and judging by the shirt design, we are also telling 7 or 8 year old girls to use their bodies and not their brains to get things done. As a high school senior in my second year of AP math classes, I find it offensive that we still market smart girls as ugly, weird, or nerdy. I am not an ultra-feminist, but these shirts are only a few examples of tons of sexist shirts on the market (click here for more examples).

Another thought that bothered me was that there are parents that let their children wear shirts with messages like this, or worse parents that buy these shirts for their kids. It’s disturbing when parents are actively involved in the premature sexualization of their own children. I’ll be honest, Toddler and Tiaras on TLC is one of my guilty pleasure shows, but beauty pageants are one of the most concrete examples of such a phenomenon. All of these subtle forms of sexism and sexualization of girls keep all females stuck in traditional gender roles.